The River Lesson, Part 2

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It was not like I thought, “Hey, there’s a life not moving forward! That’s the one for me!” Even as I moved two steps forward, and one step back, change loomed as large as the white water all around us, and dangerous, too, because that is how my past was. So this image of a card from the Swords Suit, the suit of the intellect, and this very physical experience on the river raft converged.
In fact, my life had been more like a white water rafting trip than I cared to pay attention to. I was fairly disassociated from the facts because I’d been having my memories rearranged by others most of my life. I was trying to be clever and intellectual in making it all right. At that moment in life, I was just starting to understand this, and to look back at all the times when…it was rough waters. I was about to hit rock bottom, though I didn’t know it because I was pretty sure I already had and, well, obviously, I’d survived so no big deal. Right?
It did not help all that much even to have this marvelous guide of Tarot, because like the woman character in this card, had my head hidden in my hands and I wasn’t able to ask for help in the right way because I’d always been told that my needs were not important. I wasn’t really helping anyone, much less my children. I’m not proud of that, but I promise things improved on a HUGE LEVEL once I lifted my head up and started looking around.
There we were in an eddy It was so strange, traveling backward with no progress, surrounded by these crashing waterfalls. The rafting guides hollered, “high end” pointing for wasband to move to our side with little one. To this day, I don’t know how he did it, and for that I am grateful. My heart pounded as I reached for him. Once we were situated all lopsided but not flipping over, I glanced back at the rapids and saw only white water foaming at the top of swiftly moving water, and a mist floating over it towards us. As we spun in the water going uphill, we seemed destined to flip into the river. Ter-ri-fied. I really didn’t understand how we were going to re-enter the flow without danger. I had to trust.
Somehow we did return to the downward flow in just a matter of moments that seemed stretched into an eternity. We went from raging river to backward river and spinning lopsided, and then back into the flow of the river. After that the rest of the river trip seemed very easy. In fact, we entered a very lazy eddy down the river for lunch, where looking up at the sun through the pines, I listened to the water gently lapping against the shores. I saw how eddies could go in different ways…rough and spinning, easy and calm. Getting back into the flow of the river had something to do with going with the eddy.
So, I thought about how that might apply to the Six of Swords in the Rider-Waite deck. There you have these three people on a raft, going from rough waters to still waters. It was supposed to be just that, but for me it had become entering an eddy, stuck in backwards moving water, out of balance (because that is what sixes are all about in Tarot), spinning to see the rushing waters of the past, and I knew at once how that woman felt looking at her past, looking at her the eddy, and not knowing what was beyond it. The child, in its innocence, didn’t know that this was a danger. The child’s head is up and is letting loose and having fun, perhaps. The raft guide has his pole in the water, backing out of the eddy and into the moving current. That’s why we see their backs! This is just how we get out of those life eddies! We let the eddy take us backward out with its backward current, to catch the river current moving forward! We back out confidently from our mistakes in order to catch the current of life moving forward, in balance.
It takes some practice. We have to be willing to admit we can’t stay in the eddy forever. We sometimes have to trust what others are doing to help us. We have to let some people around stay out of the details. It isn’t their responsibility. We have to look up out of our fears, get back into balance and take a deep breath.

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Why you should read Kosmic Egg Tarot

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Honestly? I am more than a Tarot Reader and Mentor. I am gonna tell you about that here. Still, with 35+ years of experience with the cosmology of the deck and an impressive shuffling skill, har, I love these cards. I am going to tell you about them, too.

Just like all the other readers online, I have over 15 decks, but the essential structure of Tarot should be there, and if it is not, then I don’t bother to read them even if they’re really pretty. I still buy more. I will tell you about the good ones, and why it is taking me so long to design my own deck.

Perception is just about everything to making sense of life. Tarot helps.

Tarot never lies, but we are not always so kind to ourselves. Perception is key to understanding when we have an opportunity to change ourselves and if we’re working with blinders on, we often miss it and have to wait for the next round. I believe Tarot has moved me ahead lifetimes in terms of working on the same old problems over and over again, and I want to help you progress in your life, too!

I have a writing background, and I’m a painter so I use those talents to help me synthesize the visual story of your spread. I get to make it accessible! I do not pretend to read crystal balls but I am one to trust my “first mind” and I, on my blog, will lay out how that works with Tarot and why it is so important. Once that main story is understood, the depth of a single card can lead us to hidden clues and to solving your mysteries together. I have been initiated in esoteric studies, but always come back to Tarot as my best teacher, and I want to share that with you, and be available when you need help or are interested in becoming more perceptive to the truth of your life.

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The Beginning

It was the spring of my 17th year that I discovered my first Tarot Deck. I thought it was beautiful. Having no idea what it meant, I bought it for that reason alone. I had played card games all my life, so I felt familiar with 52 or 53 cards. I didn’t understand why there were no Jacks, but I assumed that the Joker must be the same as the Fool. The deck was The Aquarian Deck and reflected the style of my childhood somehow. Both clean lines of my father’s architecture and curves of my mother’s paintings and sculptures, and her color palette, as well. The pictures of the cards I didn’t recognize reminded me of my favorite series of children’s books, The Chronicles of Narnia, by C.S. Lewis.

On the surface, I had everything going for me by normal standards. I had friends. I was the Head Girl of my school. I had just traveled to Australia with my father’s new family. I had a lead in the school musical,  I was a winning speech team member, and was in a top jazz choir. However, as with many of us when some terrible things happen, there was an inexplicable undercurrent. I felt suicidal.

I was raped by some boys in my choir on a field trip that January. In those days the term “date rape” was just beginning to surface. I hardly knew it was a thing. All I knew was that boys I assumed I knew had crossed my boundaries with no hesitation at all, held me down in a room full of six people and fucked me. Somehow one of them coerced me into a late night endless one-sided discussion in the hotel hallway so as not to tell anyone in charge. He convinced me no one would believe me, and if they did his life would be ruined whereas nothing was asked how I was or how I was affected beyond the idea that it was my fault for entering their room with a “friend”. To be frank, I was simply in shock and in a process of complete disassociation that would last for decades.

How could a Tarot Deck possibly help? At the time, the most it could possibly do was to distract me. Sincerely, I needed a distraction. I was happy to reach into my less acceptable side in those months that followed. I perceived Tarot to somehow be a part of that. I was not one to pierce my skin or get a tattoo, but I could definitely shuffle a deck of cards impressively, I could interpret works of art, having been taken to the art museum with my artist mother a million times growing up, and I liked the idea of somehow never walking into the wrong room or making a mistake again. I was a natural intuitive investigator.

What I could not predict is how nine times out of ten, I managed to really get very close to what my friends were going through when I “read” their cards through a combination of using the pamphlet included with the deck I bought and my intuition about symbology.  That is how I began trusting Tarot. From that point on, I was hooked on finding out more. I had all sorts of internal taboos for a decade about what I was allowed to do with them, and what a reading was supposed to look like and feel like. And, reading the cards did not stop me from making many more mistakes. This did not frustrate my curiosity thankfully.

The River Lesson, Part One

How many of you have ever been river-rafting? I can say that I’ve done it all but three or four times. One of those time I was eaten to pieces by horseflies and sunburned to lobster red. Another time my fiance had his glasses dropped in the river and actually was able to find them again by diving into rushing water. I wish I’d known how to read the “Language of the Universe” as Paulo Coelho puts it in “The Alchemist,” back then. Luckily on my last river trip, with kids in tow, I had a revelation that has stayed with me for 15 years.
Once, I started looking at Tarot as a training ground for the mind to see how the Universe works, I began to understand I had tapped into an opportunity to see meaning in almost everything around me for help. There were the numbers. There were the colors. There were the images. There were the characters. There were the habits. There were the things beyond our control. Just like life.
My mission to harness the potential of identifying not only what was really going on in my life through these windows, but also what the cards meant to me and how that would become central to the way I read the cards. This all leads back to that river rafting trip, I promise.
However, first I have to tell you that until this time, I relied on my understanding of the art and history of the cards’ meanings. The cards remained behind the veil of other people’s ideas, and art. Not all of the cards. Very early on I had strong feelings about many of the cards, designed potential decks from those, and read them from that place, but some of the minor arcana cards, particularly, remained in the text books. They were boring to read and nearly impossible to design anew.
At that time, I was feeling very stuck in the way my life was and that I had the responsibility to just ride it out, like a raft on a river. We put in the Arkansas River from a dock. My kids were 3 and 7, and properly suited up in solar swimsuits, life-jackets, and little helmets, but looking out on the cresting waves was, frankly, terrifying for a mother. Their father was all “let loose and have some fun” and put the three-year-old up at the front on one side, and the seven-year old on the other side of the raft. I sat behind my seven-year-old, and he did not hold our three-year-old tightly enough for my comfort. Of course. So, anyway, I was trying to let loose and have some fun while my terrified heart raced.
We were going along rapidly, when suddenly the raft guides were hollering at each other, we went airborne, and in a few moments, we founds ourselves spinning in the middle of the river. I swear I saw the bottom of the river, the ground of it. I was so scared and screaming to the wasband to hold onto our three-year-old, as if he could hear me, as I squeezed our seven year old. Then just as suddenly we were not going anywhere right in the middle of the river. In fact the water was headed up hill as far as I could tell. Oh. What flashed into my mind in that moment a Tarot card that had seemed kind of hard to read, and that was dependent on other people’s interpretation. A flood of understanding that minor arcana cards really have something to say hit me.
If you’re curious to find out more about that card from me. Come back tomorrow!

Two Steps, One Step

Many times in my life that it was more like two steps backward, one step forward, than the other way around. This is largely due to a rather myopic view leaning towards half-perception on my part. What do I mean by half-perception? I wore rose-colored glasses most of my earlier life! I did. Blush. I admit it. Even when I knew things weren’t well I leaned towards optimism and affirmation to the point where I simply could not make a change for the better because I refused to look directly at the problem. Even with my handy-dandy decks of Tarot, a beautiful silk scarf, and a candle. I wouldn’t reverse the cards ever, and I always softened the blow of honesty if a card visually scared me. Two steps back, one step forward, I stayed in terrible situations myself for longer than I ever should have.
This is what I mean, when I say that Tarot never lies, even when we don’t want to face the truth it lays before us. There are real-life consequences when we make choices based on the lies we tell ourselves. For one thing, we don’t get great results very easily. We may be chasing butterflies right into an abyss when we are blinded by our second-guessing, domesticated rule mongering voice because we will not perceive the real situation, or our own power to create our future. Yes, I have done that, too. I cannot say that Tarot didn’t give me a fair warning or new eyes to see with. I simply didn’t want to see anything more than my own fantasies of what a good life should be, until I did.

I want to tell you a true story example of this.

There was a time when things got very bad, and I started meditating on a Tarot image every day. I let myself learn about reversals, and I suffered through building the courage to see them. I knew it could not be worse than my life had really become to see a card fully. Some cards will repeat themselves in these meditations and over and over again in readings for others. We readers learn to pay attention to this as a message to ourselves to notice.
I kept drawing a reversed King of Wands. Such a great guy is the King of Wands, charming, a powerful leader, charismatic, creative, handsome. Did I say charming? It took me a while to consider what the reverse might be. Always a court card is some aspect of ourselves, but I kept in mind the wisdom shared with me by a mentor sometime earlier,

The worst thing that happens to us is when we stay in a bad situation too long, and become the person. or work we hate or have no respect for…

I began to consider what that really meant with regard to the reversed King of Wands that kept knocking on my thick skull. In reverse, the wonderful charm and charisma of this man became manipulative and gaslighting. Unsuccessful because he rarely could finish anything as he was also always looking out to the future. Unable to see his own past because memories became hidden in smoke and mirrors. Even though he perpetrated real harm, he never saw himself as anything but a victim because he was so looped in on his own story, he couldn’t consider other people’s problems as separate from his own. Sound familiar? This is a narcissist. Believe it or not, I did not know this was a real psychological thing until I started looking up the “symptoms” of the reversed King of Wands. So, when I say “meditate” on a card, that includes further research.
As I learned more about narcissism, I had to accept that, in fact, I could do nothing to help this man I loved even still. It was likely to get worse. I had to wonder how many of his habits I picked up myself and foisted onto my children and friends. It sincerely horrified me to even think of it all, and I didn’t know right away what to do. Thick skull. In a moment of physical violence in front of my kids, I became absolutely clear finally. We had to end this once and for all. I was endangering my children. I asked for a divorce soon after. I never hedged on it, even when the happy King of Wands appeared again with an Ace of Swords in a reading. The King had no clothes on and the truth was known. I now wondered how long it might’ve gone on without my cards spurring me on to see the truth when I was ready. Very quickly it became two steps forward, and only one step back. It’s a little thing, but it feels better.

Readings and Rates

Well, my dear, have you come here wondering if you may have a Tarot Reading? Of course, you may! Yes, a reading is completely possible, and it doesn’t have to cost a lot to get started by taking a step towards self-knowledge, resolving a crisis, and healing yourself.

Let me explain. A reading may involve one card or many. Tarot never answers a “yes” or “no” question, but even with a single card and a good question, you may understand more about your situation than you realized. We can work those questions out together.

Sometimes one card is not enough, so there are “spreads”. Spreads are like maps, each location has a purpose, and the card that falls on that location synthesizes to create a personalized map for you. For instance, a location in the spread may represent something that has happened in the recent past. On the “recent past” falls the “Reversed, 4 of Pentacles” for you. This means that in your own recent past you experienced something symbolized, represented by the “Reversed, 4 of Pentacles,” and it is particular to your experience.

There are always many cards in a “spread” and so this location and card will further go together with all the other locations and the cards in them. They all influence each other and are delivered through a channel called Tarot, and conveyed by me, your Reader. It is not enough to simply list the meaning of each card. That is where automatic Tarot programs online fall short. They have yet to be able to give us the complete story of a reading because there are so many unique Tarot Possiblissities™. A reading is a complex algorithm. The Greeks might have called it a Kosmic Egg Project™, symbols representing everything possible in the Universe.

So, with those complexities, I want to keep your budgeting straightforward. Therefore, I charge $15 per card in any given reading. One card $15. Thirteen cards $195. Extra cards? Each one is $15. Tips, over and above my Rates system, are your choice.

My most popular readings are the traditional Keltic Kross, the Zodiakal Wheel, 3-Card, 2-Card, 1-card, The Elemental Spread and the Chakra Spread. But, we can discuss what kind of spreads could help you out and your budget.

Your reading includes either an online face-to-face reading on various apps or a recorded reading (while you are doing other things) that you can listen to at will via Google Drive or WhatsApp. Both include a photograph of your spread. I can add a written report for $15-30 depending on the length of the spread, to be delivered within the following week. For your first reading, during the months of July and August 2018, I am happy to include a written report of your reading, complementary, as a thank you for allowing me to take the Tarot journey with you.

Arcanum Fourteen, part 2

Pondering Fourteen today, I was looking at the Rider-Waite deck and noticed something I’d never seen before, a half-submerged skull in the lower right corner. It seems clear that it is the Emperor who has been taken by Death in the previous card, seen from a new perspective. Here, visited by the Archangel Uriel, with the ruby red wings, the scene is tranquil after all the drama of the scene of the card prior. Archangel Uriel transforms through Alchemy the fears of life and death into resilience and grace. Out of the tragedy grow yellow flags, water irises, that symbolize the secrets of passion, divine light, and grace of the fleur-de-lis.

This card is reflected in this deck in the 2 of Pentacles, the imbalanced juggler that is just barely holding it together. That card, with only luck on its side, is missing the grace of Fourteen and thus doesn’t represent true balance in the larger sense. We, see the gift of healing in the 2 of Cups, also reflecting that exchange that is done by Uriel in the Temperance card, but it is done with the involvement of two people, rather than an Archangel, or grace. In the 2 of Swords, we have patience, the waiting and waiting for time to take over and make the decision, rather than the flow of tempo. Finally, in the 2 of Wands, we have power without action. The Temperance card is definitely a flow of action, as Archangel Uriel stands in the spring, and on land, and we can imagine nothing is so still as the skull of the past. There is a freshness to the image, that begs us to understand the fragility and resilience of life.

Textiles Neophyte

They call me “pauper’s apprentice”. The
Value of my skills minimized to a heart beat.
My cheap labor is all that cloth is
After, that, and my eager acceptance of meager
Hot potatoes, but in truth, I shall thrive
Taking the skills I learn into the great wide
World. My hope lays within my comprehension
That with my indefatigable spirit I can make
This cloth a lasting example of competence.
Someday I will be its master, and then
Peace may be had over what I decide about
A single thread. Receiving the Gift of this chance
Without resentment makes me rich even as I
Begin from nearly nowhere. Call me cotton bale.

copyright © 2013 Vivi Sojorhn

Sage of Energy

Sage of Energy

It may seem unimportant, but my
Paintings keep the world guarded.
They are dreaming that connects
Before and after to this person,
Who drifts on the narrow ledge of
Life. Every event draws a step on time’s
Labyrinth, is a forest fire creating a new
World, and every action has results –
Whether armistice or war, freedom or
Slavery. My sunflowers soak up poisons
We’ve made for land, my snake vies with
Sun for importance, and I draw my
Soul in them, these creatures and fires keep
Me ablaze with a bright lust for life..

copyright © 2013 Amanda Morris Johnson

Four of Energy

The habit of giving it away can
Burn down attachment to any
Circumstances that appear to be
More important than they are, and
Allow celebrations, both pre-arranged
And unplanned, on crisp autumn
Days when the harvest is rich with
Apples and honey and there is a
Handy lute to strike up accordance
And early spring when joys cannot
Be held in reserve and tasted later
Even the memories of them fade our
Edges, photographs with sepia tones,
These little illuminations we share.

copyright © 2013 Amanda Morris Johnson